Matatu passengers
For those of you wondering what a matatu is, it’s a public service vehicle used in Africa to get from one point to another. It’s a taxi that can ferry from as little as 7–33 people depending on size or model. Most are characterized by amazing graffiti and booming music as is common here in Kenya. That’s a different story all together on the Kenyan matatu culture. I look at people each morning as I go to work and each evening as I head home. Safe to say I always try to seat next to the person I hope will be the best person to ride next to. However some times I’m not so lucky. Over all I guess I’ve pretty much cleared the bar and experienced all types, shapes and characters of passengers. So here is my list:
- Miss IDFWU
She’s fine. Most are still in school or just had their first job. Characteristics of this breed are that they will not acknowledge any human sitting next to them. Ladies stick to their phones. Double tapping here, swiping there. Concentrating as they peruse their timelines with the seriousness only matched by a surgeon conducting cardiomyoplasty. Trying to say hi to them is unheard of to them. You might as well just sneeze directly at them as opposed to trying to engage them in conversation. Who talks to strangers anymore?
2. Mr. Beats
This is the male counterpart of Miss IDFWU. He is the cool guy who thwarts anyone’s intentions of conversation before they even have their seat. He doesn’t care whether the Matatu has booming music being played as in most vehicles. He will pull out his Beats by Drey headphones and listen to his own tunes. He has a preference to what music he feeds his soul. Surprisingly, most of the time, it ends up being the same music being played.
3. The Commander in Chief
They are the guys who always have an opinion on what should be done and do not care whether you like it or not. If the music’s too loud, they will try and top the noise as they call for it to be reduced. They will frantically call on you to open the window despite it being freezing cold and you are their buffer to the nail biting wind as the vehicle speeds along Thika Highway. When it’s too hot and then you do decide to open the window for that sweet fresh air, well you guessed it. They go up in arms asking you to close it. They will pick a fight with anyone including you if you side with the guy collecting the fare as he probably just made an error while returning her balance.
4. Reporter
Well the only good thing about this class of a passenger is that they aren’t angry like the commander. They do have opinions, they will try to engage you about everything they are experiencing throughout the entire journey. They will eagerly await any incident for them to start small talk with you. They end up telling you about how they almost had a car, accident, how work was, the number of kids they have, how their neighbour always forgets to put out the trash on time… Basically you cease being a fellow passenger and wear your new hat of therapist. Too bad you don’t get paid by the hour for this.
5. The librarian
They are mainly ladies. They gorge themselves on the latest chapters of the Shades of grey series or Twilight novel series. You are beneath them before you even try and ask what book that is. At this day and age, they do not find solace in the solitude like most of us robots, enslaved by our phones. They still regard books to be the only way to feed the mind. If only they fed it with more important titles that don’t talk about some guy with whips in a dungeon or one who glistens while chilling out in the sun. Grab a copy of TIMES magazine or Indira Ghandi’s autobiography and start feeding your frontal lobes.
6. The Gamers
Candy crush, Farm heroes, Temple run and any other that will keep them busy. All they wanna do is hit the high score before they get home or to work.
7. The Foodie
I can’t say I dislike these guys, but they make liking them on an empty tummy an uphill task. You are stuck in traffic for a whole hour with this guy. You had your last meal 5 hours ago (a salad because you’re on that weight loss plan). But who gives a grilled chicken breast ass about that? If this smell had a colour, all I see now is gravy brown with golden brown marinated crumbs. These people will tease you till they make you wet…as you drool all over yourself. You keep asking yourself, what ever happened to the good ol’ days when sharing was caring?
8. Sleepers
The princess and the pea would be baffled by these people. They would sleep through an earthquake and to them, the matatu is just an extension of bedtime. The potholes and swerving of the matatu lul them to sleep within minutes of grabbing their seat. They will constantly try to use you as pillow, neck rest or cushion. Not so good when the person seated next to weighs 100 Kgs and is sweating profusely on you or drooling on your shoulder. We don’t all need somebody to lean on.
9. The Transporters
This is the last group. I’m not sure whether they work for DHL or are donkey reincarnates (not Jason Statham). They will have tonnes of luggage with them. They ferry various kinds of things in bulk and end up occupying seats and paths meant for actual passengers. Some will ferry their kids and require you to baby ‘seat’ their kids by sharing your space with their child with not much as a request or appreciation when you do.
All in all, I do cherish every journey I arrive to my destination safely. I’ve met interesting people along these journeys over time, as well as some I wish I hadn’t. Such is life. You cross paths with all kinds of people who will affect you in all kinds of ways. So next time you’re in a public vehicle, say halo to the person next to you. You just might make their day or make a carpool friend.
